C*k

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cok cok cok cok cok cok cok cok!
only javanese people who can know what's the mean of the words above

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Grief and happiness.

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 It's been almost a year since the last time I write in my blog. 2023 was a really hard year for me. Even until now. It's still burdened me. All the feelings, trauma. But I know, that all of those is what made me who am I today.  It's really hard to lost a parent. I lost my dad last year, the year of 2023. I miss him a lot. I cry a lot. I dream a lot. About him.  To be honest, it's really feel like I have no direction about what should I do in my life right after My Dad left me. It's really hard for me until I feel like I'm the most sad person around. It still hit me hard even until now. I really miss him a lot.  I got thoughts like, why not my dad be here to greet his 2nd grandson, why, Oh God. and also all the grit "I should've call him more", "I should've go home more", "I should've pray more", etc... In the middle of my grief, which I was not yet accepting everything that was happened, God gave me a huge blessing. 2 ...
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Life Update summer 2024.

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Lately I'm trying to figure out, I know it's a bit late, but I like to explore more about motherhood, productivity, I'd like to learn more about homemaking. Is it just the perks of being a mom or just regular 28 years old thoughts? Seeing my kids, I have 2 kids now. One of them is on Kindergarten (TK-B here in Indonesia) and my newborn baby, is officially a 1 year old baby. I have a toddler (second time) I had to parent a toddler again! It feels like not so long ago I searched for tot-school ideas, sensory play, and all those kids activities and now I have baby number two, whom childhood I need to cherish.  Feeling overwhelmed no more because now I feel a little bit more relaxed and enjoy more of being a parent. I love the way I am now seeing parenting and how to parent more loosely. It actually benefiting me, also maybe I got to work daily right now so My thoughts will be divided by two on daily basis but when I got home, that's my turn to change into full time mom mod...
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Life recently, First 3 months of 2023.

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Life is really hard for me, currently. But not that I'm not grateful. God has given me the greatest gift: That I'm expecting! I'm now almost 6 months pregnant with my 2nd child and it's been amazing. My son, Zefa is also growing happily, I've been blessed with good health, also my husband, my mommy, and a lot of my families been blessed. One of my cousin is getting married, I've been able to eat yummy and cook healthy food, it's all blessing for me. I've also been bless on my career, knowing that I almost become 100% PNS, hopefully it will be official this month!  But yes, life is not always perfect.  On the first months of this year I've lost 2 of my dear family members; my grandma and my cousin. It's really hard for me because I do really close to them by heart. They're like my most fav people to talk to after my parents. I miss them deeply. I hope they're peace in heaven now. I wish for them to be happy up there knowing me and other fa...
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