Fixing My Life. Bcs, Ours are written of

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Pic. Margaret Durow

Very Happy today is Saturday. But not really happy cause I’m in the phase of recovery. I had too many workload today but to be honest, here I am still laying on my bed. I know very well how to be a proscast and how to delay all those things. I was having a very bad week, last week. Not because of I had many works to do, but because I had many fights. It’s relationship things. But don’t worry, I won’t tell you bout the romeo Juliet kind of thing. Its just…. A hyperbole, unhappy, rebels of teenager kind of thing
 
Remember my last blog post? It’s all about it. I have a few keywords, those probably can describe a little about my problems.

Frustated, unfaithful , avoiding, argue fights, keeping secrets, over jelaousy, bad communication, one sided effort.

I’m cheating. 

Feeling so bad for it. I feel guilty but not really guilty cause there’s so many condition, that very complicated and hard to be explained. There’s no solution for it so far. Here, I’m the to blame. I can’t tell you bout the whole story. I prefer giving you a clue. It’s more fun by the way.
It’s young adult things. Affairs and betrayals. I never meant to be a person like that. I just keep in touch with some of my old friends, they’re all closed ones. But I never think if it probably gone too far. I’ve done bad stuffs. But all people do too, I used to be betrayed. I had already give the apologize, but it wasn’t still not enough. I can’t give him anything. It’s just me, I’m doing what I want.

“When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.” – Ellen DeGeneres

I know that Ellen is probably not talking bout relationship. It’s about life, career kind of thing. But the thing is, I’m tired. Of waiting, of fighting, yelling, even crying. I want a life that is happy, and free. Even It’s all my fault,  no matter how big and scandalous my problem is,how am I really messed it up and can’t make it better in near time,I still need to respect my self.

My past shaped me: all my mistakes I vowed never to repeat. All my reactions to those all old fights, It’s too much. I need to overcome.

From now, I didn’t want to mess my life. I’m suck of crying, of those bloody relationship problem kind of thing. I’m 19, and I still want to be happy. This is how I do, you need to accept the way I am. I don’t want to be the one who is hopeless romantic. I’m not saying that I don’t want to fight for love, I’ll do that. But on the way I do it, I want to fully respect my self >,<

HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS SAYIN! ((:
See you next!
Ima

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