cheers for a new year : 2015 !!

-
2015 is here. Its a new year and a fresh start for all of us.
It seems like yesterday, the year 2014 is going on track. but all we know now is... we're already in 2015 this very moment. I'd like to thank God first for every single thing that happened in my life last year it was, zuppa duppa awesome! life changing, and never forget!!
after this post id like to recap my year and writing down abt my memories, I know its bit too late for throwing back on this early start but yeahhh... I really didnt have much time to do it in the past
so I probably do it next after this

Okay, moving on. today is february 2nd it'sstill on the page 2 from 365.
And I,already given by God with massive extravagant surprise. but my forecasts was true.... I had already predict it before. so, for you guys who guessing right now,you guys who-know-me-so-well,should probably know abt this one. YES! I created a mess

Before I begin this blog post, I'd like to let you know that this is quite a personal thing for me to write, I'm sorry for the one who offended by this post, you can directly tell me.
here I'm trying to not be that frontal
since we dont talk each other that much now, I think it's okay:)

this story is aboutt,,,,,,, it's about, some GUYS. yes! its a GUY with s. means,,,, more than one guy?
hmmm probably :"> im affraid to tell you the truth bcs it's to irritating for me personally
Today, Im really give up. for what i've done.
this is a clue for what my problem is...

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
'Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company
He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true
And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I've broken up with my boyfriend about last two months. I told him that we cant be any longer. and the fact that I've been teribbly uncomfortable.
after that, I'm not being with anyone -officially- and it's still, until present. I'm still burdened with some previous relationships,
my ex was a great boy, a great person and a good family guy
but in some point I just feel like Im not that comfortable with what I'm doing with him, with our relationship. if you reading this post, Im sorry yaaa ......
 im really sorry, I just feel like I need to turn to someone not me, when im with you.... after some events we went through.
sorry I cant make it. I really tried to.
but then, my heart was free again. I really love being single at that time,
but after that I meet many new faces.. new opportunity and new challanges
but then... I have a little drama.. I broke someone's heart. he's someone new... I just met.
I can't bring up his name, or his identitiy or whatever
here I want to deeply apologize.. I've been lying all over
Sometimes I feel like I should just suck it up, stay where I'm at, stay to hiding all of it.
but all I know that it's just tearing someone even more, because he don't know anything.
He's a great guy and I just don't understand why I done this things.
What if I never find someone as good and later on I kick myself for doing these bad things?
all the things I have done lately is just simply giving up someone, hurt their feeling....
i'm being such a cruel person lately :((
I'm sorry
I don't wanna do this anymore. and hopefully I wont be.

Popular posts from this blog

Dunia Umbi

-
 Hi there! sudah lama nggak nulis di blog ya. Selalu sih, dari dulu.. kalau sudah ada kesibukan pasti nggak sempet buka blog. Hidup terus berjalan kak. Tapi kini, aku sedang ingin menulis tentang a new phase, lebih tepatnya a new beginning and a fresh start di hidup aku yang kini sedang aku jalani. Yup, sesuai judul dari tulisan kali ini, aku jadi umbi gaes! hehe. Itu bahasa sekarang - sekarang ini untuk menyebut seorang ASN / CPNS. Oke, langsung saja aku ceritain journey ku ya! Perjalanan ini dimulai di bulan Juli 2021. Ketika saat itu aku masih menjadi guru private seorang anak expat di Surabaya. I enjoy teaching very much. Everyday I feel challenged to teach, to find a way about how to explain/ clarify some information for these kids, so they can grasp the concept.  Oke, malah kemana - mana ya ceritanya, hehe. Pokoknya, kerjaan aku waktu itu tuh lagi ngajar les privat , Ibuku nawarin aku buat coba CPNS tahun itu. Sebenarnya di awal aku sudah males. Karena aku mikirnya kesempatan mas
more? »

My Engagement Story: The Preparation

-
Image
Hai, apakabar? Postingan kali ini akan lebih membahas mengenai hal yang udah cukup lama aku tidak bahas, apa ituu? hehe tentang kehidupan percintaan dan rumah tangga 😆. Postingan kali ini aku harap akan mencadi juga sebuah cerita yang nantinya bisa di baca oleh anakku, Zefa, dan adiknya. Bermula dari kira - kira akhir tahun 2021, Mas Dimas, yang saat itu menjadi pacarku selama 3 tahunan lebih, mengutarakan maksudnya untuk mengajak aku untuk ngobrol bersama keluarganya. Aku ingat waktu itu kami pergi ke Ocean Garden, salah satu restoran di Malang. Sore itu cukup haru, karena untuk kali pertama aku berani untuk open up tentang cerita mengenai aku yang menjadi ibu tunggal ke keluarga Mas Dimas, the backstory.  Pada saat itu aku dan Mas Dimas ditanyai beberapa pertanyaan, seperti Äpakah kamu sungguh sudah siap untuk lanjut ke jenjang berikutnya? Apakah kamu sudah yakin, ini adalah seseorang yang kamu mau nikahi? Setelah pertemuan itu, kami berlanjut di pertemuan keluarga di rumahku di Sur
more? »

Grief and happiness.

-
 It's been almost a year since the last time I write in my blog. 2023 was a really hard year for me. Even until now. It's still burdened me. All the feelings, trauma. But I know, that all of those is what made me who am I today.  It's really hard to lost a parent. I lost my dad last year, the year of 2023. I miss him a lot. I cry a lot. I dream a lot. About him.  To be honest, it's really feel like I have no direction about what should I do in my life right after My Dad left me. It's really hard for me until I feel like I'm the most sad person around. It still hit me hard even until now. I really miss him a lot.  I got thoughts like, why not my dad be here to greet his 2nd grandson, why, Oh God. and also all the grit "I should've call him more", "I should've go home more", "I should've pray more", etc... In the middle of my grief, which I was not yet accepting everything that was happened, God gave me a huge blessing. 2
more? »