Little more details

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hey life,
I have something inside my head. thinking about details, lately. burdened by a lot of things that I used to share to you. live, love, life. It's not that easy. I have already being positive all this year. at least, in 2013... there's no really big disaster come into me.
except one. it's about something really secret
that completely turn my life. not better not worse. It's a big package thing that haven't resolve.
I cant share this with anybody. too dangerous.
NO, im not having a cancer or aids or anything hahahaha. It's also not because of my boyfriend.

and because of that, I cant sleep lastnight. because it's all come together as one, and I was tired yesterday, and I cry. those tears not making me even sleepy. and kept me awake for more hours till early morning-_-
I awake this morning on 8am. Im sleepless. Yesterday I feel like Im sick and I wanna vomit at least 3 times. Yesterday was a big dizzy day. but then I nodded, it's connected into one.
hhhhh if only I got him right here next to me with a camera
I would love to take a picture with him instead of thinking of this not really good stuff.

I wish the live will holding my hand. making me more and more being a grateful person as I wished hahaha
I dont say that I didnt grateful, but it hasnt enough :( I always thinking into the worst case.
I think its humanly, or maybe its me. sometimes im being too overthink. I can't really deal with it. betcha think its hard to change a bad habit
yes, I admit. its not easy.

I still trapped on problems that some of that I made it myself. such as fears that I keep deep inside my heart(of losing something, losing some important matters that I cant have it anywhere), those fears, making me even being more suspicious, always investigate unnecessary stuffs. And those leads to even more miscomunication, many unnecessary fights, or even unnecessary assumption that it's not even real. I made my own problems. I see em in the all of the details, even there's no bad things, I made em up. it's sucks being that person.  even though I know im not a really a big thinker, but this stuff, it pretty messed me up. but thank God, Not in my whole life, just view of my dailies. especially love life sih.

some one once said if you problems, go get a help. and this year, I dont even got any help from any people. Im being a little bit independent than before. I learn to be more private this year. My own problems, it's mine. I just share it with my cat, or my boyfriend. but again, thanks God, there's no big disaster on this year. I can handle it all.
sorry if its too confusing hahaha. can't narrow down this term, I know it's too weird, and I can find you utterly confused with this hahaha
and I lost of words. goodbye bloggyyy:* i'll  talk to you later :)

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