miles and miles

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two post in a single night ^^V

Yes this is what I do today. 3rd December
number 3 is my second fav number after number 9 anyway. 3 is my born date, 3 is today, and 33 is my boyfriend's class presense number when he way in senior high. So now I'm going to tell you guys about my current, not exactly a current, but I haven't tell you.. hmm or have I ?
fuck off
I'm running on a long distance relationship.it's hard. but I'm trying so hard to make it not hard :) ok, twisting. 
my boyfriend prefer to not call it as a long distance, cause it's just two ours of distance. we can see each other in a morning and at night I've been home. we've been 5 months for doing this things. And so far it went well
I've been told everybody that I really wish for a Doraemon's door, that can lead us to going anywhere we want.
or maybe a magic fairy wand, it might be better. I know now, I've been mentioned to one of my post that I'm now going on a long distance with my boyfriend.
He is the one who leaving our city, full of memories. He's now living in a new territory which is not mine. it's somebody else. ore maybe anyone else. I can't imagine what's can possibly happen there. 
I missing him a lot. for this whole 3 years, I'm not feeling like any bored time. and I really afraid he will
Ah, this fear....
I just keep wondering, how dangerous is out there? how is his new place? is it nice if i just trying to have a look? or can I living there? it's not my territory. 
shutup. He's living his dream. Being an architect is really what he want. and I'm really proud of him. 
All those memories in this city, Surabaya, will be last forever and this faraway distance will not change my mind. at least until now
we will never know what will happen right. We're human. people make choices and decide but it's God's power to do it or not

So here is it. A journey to a new territory that is a maturation. 
I know I have a big fear on it. a terribly massive fear that I don't really show to anyone
hahaha it has no deal with anyone anyway..... my boyfriend know me well. he supposed to know that I'm a little one who really afraid of losing. especially losing him
it had happened and it's traumatic. I'm protecting this right now. the trust, the preparedness, the risk, the patient.
there's a lot of stuff that I learn unconsciously nowadays. I have learned that it's not good being too insecure. 
I have lose the rope for a little amount 
I'm still holding it so tight, never let it off, but easy girl. we need to work on this, together. I really can't make it alone. Sure I need help. and so far he's really the one I can count on for sure. 
throw away the suspicion is the one which completely hard to do. I'm thinking too much about what stuff is possibly happen. and it's just making me more insecure. You don;t know what did we facing!!!
it's a big thing. hmm i thinks it's a normal one, i'm the one who make it too much
NOOOO... IT'S NOT USUAL
there's a big challenge, for us. really big challenge.,
HEY STOP, it's okay. nothing going to be happen. it'll be fine. those are words that i really can count on. it's good to feeling unstagnancy isnt it. and now it's the time. 

there's nothing to do but to just believe. keep holdin on, he's mean a lot for me. I really sure, that it will works. definitely and we can prove the world, that we can do this:" 

silly me, please tell me that I'm not just tryin to entertain myself
I'M MISSIN HIM SO BAD! damm

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